Those of you who read my blogs, know that I use positive thinking to help me lose weight and get healthy. Four months into my weight loss, a close relative of mine passed away suddenly. Looking back and knowing how I felt during this time, I am surprised I was able to keep going with my weight loss journey. I truly feel that positive thinking helped me to keep going after losing my relative. For months, I kept telling myself to keep going, and to be happy with every small accomplishment I made. I trained my mind to think positively. When my relative passed away, I felt as though my mind was still programmed to think positively. I was hurting and felt as though I every step I took was through a thick, ugly fog, but I still kept going.

In 2017, I was told I needed surgery. I never had surgery before and knew nothing about the type of surgery I needed. I was scared. I wasn’t even sure I could afford the surgery. The prior year to this, I was working three jobs in order to pay off my student loans, so I could finally begin saving money. I did pay off my student loans and began saving money. However, six months after I began saving money, I was told I needed to have surgery and that all the money I had saved was now going to go to this new obstacle in my life. I began to feel sad, upset, and worried. My positive thinking was no longer evident. I gained ten pounds.

I was then angry with myself for gaining ten pounds and I began craving comfort food again. I fed the anger with carbohydrates and sugars. Fast forward ten months, I gained another 10 pounds. Now, I had gained 20 pounds back of the original 80 that I lost. As hard as I am trying now, almost a year after my surgery, to lose those 20 pounds, I am struggling with the positive thinking again. I feel as though I have lost all my knowledge of how to eat healthy and how to take care of my body. I know I have not lost that knowledge, but I find it hard to sort through the dust in my brain and open back up those file folders. I can see what I need, and I know how to achieve it. Those small changes such as positive thinking is what I need to work harder on and push through.

I have begun to post things around my house that will help me condition my mind again to think positively. Things such as pictures of myself when I was 20 pounds lighter, outfits that I’d like to wear again because they don’t fit me anymore, and even a 2018 goals poster that my boyfriend and I hung in our living room. Two of our goals are fitness and nutrition. Doing things like this helps me to recognize my negative thoughts when they happen so that I can turn them into positive ones. When I originally lost weight, I changed the background on my cell phone’s lock screen to a positive, motivational quote. I may do this again.

The reason it has taken me so long to post this blog is because I became non-productive, putting things like Facebook and TV before my real goal in life of creating love throughout the world. I also aim to inspire others to be better. I felt as though posting something like this will make others lose faith in my ability to motivate them. What I’ve come to realize though, is that we all have our struggles, and it is important for everyone to know that they are not alone. I may not have the same struggle you have, but I do know what it is like to struggle. Feelings such as being nervous, anxious, confused, worried, angry, and upset have all been on my radar throughout the last year. However, sticking to positive thinking, I’ve been able to feel happy, joyful, excited, and beautiful throughout the last year.